Things About Dave: A Dialogue

“Who’s that fellow we saw marching across the campus in those jeans and with that t-shirt, Administrator #2?” asked Administrator #1.

“Why!” exclaimed Admin. 2, “That’s David Hicks! I met him just the other day. He’s a sophomore at our fine institution, Gordon College, as you should already know (“ahhahaha! ahhohoho!” guffawed Admin. 1 at this unnecessary P.O.C.), majoring in English, History, and Philosophy.”

“My!” imposed Admin. 1, “Do tell more!”

“Well I am glad you asked! He hails from the suburbs of Toronto, Canada, but now lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Sometimes, if you listen closely, around the crack of dawn, you will hear faint echoes of him playing guitar, piano, drums, or even DJing (!) in his dorm room.”

Here, Admin. 1 began to press. “Ok ok, but tell me more about his future. What does he want to do when he is older?”

Now, I forgot to mention this, but Admin. 2 is kind of a fuddy-duddy and doesn’t really like being interrupted when he’s on a descriptive roll. I’m a bit of a fuddy-duddy and don’t really like being interrupted when I’m on a descriptive roll, said Admin. 2 to -1. Here, Admin. 1 promptly apologized and so our dialogue continues. 

“Why, he’s interested in attaining his Ph.D! He would like to be a professor at an institution of higher learning. It seems like he’s been active about preparing himself for it–during his Junior year, he’ll be studying at Oxford University, and he’s been working on an application to be a Fulbright scholar, studying spiritual belief in Burkina Faso, the year after he graduates from Our Halls.”

“Fascinating. I would love to meet this young man. How do you recommend I get in touch with him?”

Here Admin. 2 paused and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a slip of paper, on which was scrawled “Dave.hicks@gordon.edu.”

“This is his email address. That should do the trick. He loves getting to know new people, and I’m sure he would love to answer any questions you have. And no need to be nervous: He’s bigger on paper than he is in real life.”

The two men shook hands and parted.[1]

This is me. I am lying on the grass, and I am soaking up cancer.

 

 

1 THIS IS THE LAST KNOWN INTERACTION WITH ADMINISTRATOR #1. ADMINISTRATOR #2 HAS KINDLY DIVULGED THE PRECEDING EVENTS IN HOPES OF SPURRING ON THE CAUSE OF JUSTICE. IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THE WHEREABOUTS OF ADMINISTRATOR #1, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE FORCE IMMEDIATELY. -The BPD

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